TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
