Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
