i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
