Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
