DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
