On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
