giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
