I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she smelled like a LAN party
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
