We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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