no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
