Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
