My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
