dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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