Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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