about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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