I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
