so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
