I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
