I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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