if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
