I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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