You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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