I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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