I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
