I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You made out with two different species that night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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