I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.