I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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