remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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