apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
