So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
