the day after is always just damage control
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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