Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
