Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
