She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
