you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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