You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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