Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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