How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
