he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
