I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
