i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
