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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
