Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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