Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
