like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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