all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
