I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
