Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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