whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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