i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
