The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
