No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
