I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
