i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize