Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
