I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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