They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
