can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
