We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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