the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
