Will you blow on my dice?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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