then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
