I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
