hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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