Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
