It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
