i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just high enough for therapy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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