there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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