Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
