No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
