nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
