Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
