ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
