fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
