oh god the rape fog is back!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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