I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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