I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
