Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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