I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
