I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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