I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
my liver is dry heaving
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
