the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
