I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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