I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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