butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
