Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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