Where is the hickey?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
