yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
