mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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