Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
