apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
