OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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